Putting things in perspective

Although, I wish I could write a long post regarding this, I just dont have the time.
But yesterday, I had a severe allergic reaction to coconut oil (or thats what I think). I started a keto diet yesterday, took the coconut oil before my workout, got to the gym, couldnt breathe, red face, walked home and thought I was going to have to call 911.

I felt so lonely. I dont have family here and I had no idea who to call. I even considered calling my ex boyfriend (a doctor) to take me to the ER....but I just laid in bed. Today, I am still under the weather...

What did this incident teach me?
I need to be more thankful that I have a healthy body. I need to quit criticizing my looks and body. I need to truly evaluate what this competition means to me, why I am doing it, and how I can continue a balanced lifestyle. If I were to know I was going to die in a month, would I be content with the amount of time I spend at the gym? Would I be satisfied with how I had lived?

I am an obsessive person. I am definetly a Type A individual and this has made me go from Type A to Type SUPER A. I spend all my time at the gym, I rarely see my friends, I obsess over my next meal, and I have lost joy. I know that this is a problem I have. Yesterday, as I laid in my bed and truly thought I might need to call 911....I really questioned all the things I am doing to my body. Why am I doing this? What will I do after the competition?

However, I am still prepping for the competition. I have come this far. The keto diet is making my energy levels drop and it is really difficult for me. I am not eating a large amount of food, but am consuming a lot of different oils (macadamia, mct, olive). I miss vegetables.... I miss oatmeal....

So, today I am going to be thankful. I am going to be thankful I can work out and go to the gym, that I can lift, run, train, and go after this goal. I don't know what is going to happen. Thank you to those who comment and support me. Getting comments brightens my day so much.